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The Victory Mermaid
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#1
07-15-2010, 03:18 PM
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Delete
Delete, not writing anymore
Last edited by Bart Swordslipper; 07-22-2010 at 01:44 PM.. |
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#3
07-15-2010, 06:44 PM
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What a sorrow... for Constance. By the way, it may be minor, but you said, Her eyes filled up with tears, as 'the' always had.
It's a fair story, but by the time you've reached chapter ten, I hope you've added on to their characters. What I mean to say is, show us their personalities. By the end of this, we should be able to think, 'Well, since I know this about her, she'll probably react this way...'. Of course, that means that straying from the beaten path will surprise your readers all the more. |
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#4
07-15-2010, 10:06 PM
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Oh, you'll see a LOT more character throughout the story. I am going to start the new chapter now, and thank you for the mishap, I forgot to finish my sentence -_-
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#5
07-19-2010, 05:00 PM
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BUMP! Chapter to be finished soon
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