George The Noob and the Quest for the Lost Burrito

[Tiberius Fireskull]

POF closes tomorrow, but by God, if it's the last thing I do on this forum, I am bringing a finale to this epic tale.

George the Hero

Strangely George was terrified. For most people, this would have been normal. After all, he was facing the leader of the skeleton army and a master of voodoo. For George; however, fear did not exist as a noob. For noobs, a sort of a dumb confidence replaced fear. But now that he could think, he actually felt fear. But it was this fear that drove him. He was no longer fighting for the sole purpose of a burrito that possessed great power; no, he was fighting for his friends and against his foes. For what he believed was right.

George drew his sword.

"Do you really intend to take on I, Jolly Roger?" Jolly taunted. "You're just a pathetic noob."

"No," George stated firmly.

"...well if you're not here to take me on, then why are you here?" Jolly asked, confused.

"No," George stepped forward and held his sword in a ready position. For once, he held his balance. "I am still here to take you on. I said 'no' because I am in no way a noob."

Jolly stared shocked for a moment, before breaking out into a crazed laughter. George watched, but no anger seethed inside of him. In the midst of Jolly's laughing fit, George lunged forward and in one fluid motion, sliced off two of Jolly Roger's dreadlocks.

The laughter stopped.

"Well then," Jolly sneered. "I see how it has to be."

Using the blade-gun hybrid weapon attached to his arm, Jolly cleaved down on George with such ferocity that the latter was knocked to the floor, despite a clean block.

"I'll make your death quick," Jolly stated. "I have a burrito's power to harness."

Jolly attempted to stab George, but George rolled to the side in time to dodge the blow and get back on his feet. From there, the exchange commenced. Jolly was far more skilled than any opponent that George had faced, including that one mean Mercenary up in Fort Charles. Each blow had power behind it like none that George had ever seen before(which didn't seem to make sense, since Jolly was really only skin and bone, but without the skin).

They continued their blade dance, but George was slowly being overpowered. He needed some sort of advantage. Jolly dealt a powerful sideways slash that knocked George briefly defenseless, and he dealt a powerful kick with his hoof into George's chest. George flew backward about ten feet before landing painfully on a wooden ramp. He groaned in pain and tried sit up. His left shoulder hurt especially. He glanced at it, and noticed a loose, rusty nail stabbed into it. George crawled to his feet and took a quick look at his surroundings. It was then that he realized he had found his advantage. Before him stood an elevator, with a lever attached that may still work.

"Are you finished yet!?" Jolly asked, calmly walking over to George.

George stepped into the small, wooden elevator. He prayed that the pulley still worked.

"Not just yet, bonehead!" George pulled the lever, and to his relief and surprise, the elevator shot upward. He took a moment to breathe as the elevator ascended at least 100 feet before stopping at the top. He stepped off of the elevator and examined the rocky canyon before him. Now that he was up here, he wasn't quite sure what to do. Just as he began to formulate a plan, though, a green mist began to appear in front of him, rotating in one, tall column. After several seconds, a thunderbolt struck the mist, which dispersed and revealed Jolly Roger.

"You forget my power, fool," Jolly scowled. He charged at George in the hope of knocking him off the edge of the cliff. George managed to sidestep and deliver a quick slash to the pocket holding the burrito, which tumbled out of the pocket and off of the cliff.

"No!" the two both yelled simultaneously. They quickly redirected their attention back to the fight though, which Jolly was clearly winning. George's shoulder wound was weakening, and his back was in agony from his hard landing. Jolly took advantage of this and purposely attacked George's weaker side. It didn't take long for him to deliver an agonizing wound to George's left collar. George stumbled back, but he clung to his sword. Jolly smashed George's head with his arm apparatus, and George tumbled into the elevator.

Jolly cackled. "Well, normally I would say that I expected better, but I really didn't. Prepare to die, George the Noob."

Jolly shot the rope holding the elevator up, and it fell toward the base at a speed that George knew would be fatal to him inside. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. He saw the sky fading away, and Jolly's maniacal laughter at the top of the cliff. He thought of Anton, who he had admired so much and who had started this journey. He thought of Brandy, who was probably completely completely sober by now. He thought of Britney, who he really had mistreated. Most of all, he thought of Banana. All he hoped for was that he didn't let her down.

Just as the elevator was reaching the base, however, George noticed something change. Right before the elevator and the base collided, there was a bright green glow that came from his body. He felt the impact, but it didn't hurt. Wooden planks flew everywhere, and the light of the sky was blocked from George's vision by debris that covered him.

George realized that it was the Lost Sword that had saved him. The Ghost Form had kept him from dying. Still glowing green, George began to shift through the rubble, trying to get out. He still had a chance.

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Jolly appeared at the base. He glanced quickly at the rubble of the elevator base and quickly concluded that his foe was indeed dead. There wasn't a way on Earth that anyone, let alone a pathetic noob like George, could survive that fall, especially in his condition.

Finished with that interruption, Jolly began looking for the burrito that had dropped. Unable to find it, though, he quickly became frustrated, and let out a roar of anger.

"Looking for this?" a voice said from behind him. Jolly whirled around, and his jaw dropped.

Before him stood George, surrounded by a glowing green aura that faded away quickly. In one hand was his sword. In the other was the Lost Burrito. Only then did Jolly feel an emotion he was unaccustomed to: fear.

"Boy, put that down, you don't know what you're dealing with," Jolly said slowly.

George took a deep breath. "No Jolly, I know exactly what I'm dealing with. This must be done."

Then, George did the unthinkable. He ate the burrito. The effect was almost instantaneous. His stomach bubbled, and he felt an extremely uncomfortable feeling in his gut that grew worse every second. He knew exactly what was about to happen.

"NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Jolly screamed.

"I'm sorry... everyone..." George winced in agony. The gas buildup became too much to bear, and George released a fart with the energy of every cannon in the royal navy combined.

Then, there was darkness.

Epilogue

Banana, Brandy, Britney and Anton crawled out of the cave. They had heard the explosion outside two days ago. They could smell the fallout from inside, so they waited for a few days to let the air clear. It was deathly silent. From the cliff that they stood at, they could see the ruins of the town. There was not a living soul in sight. The town, once charming and lively, had become little more than ruins.

"What happened here...?" Brandy muttered.

Britney screamed out of impulse. While his scream was no longer particularly disturbing to the group, the fact that it echoed for at least ten seconds through the cove was.

Anton smacked Britney over the head. "Come on guys, it looks like that rope bridge is broken. I'll need to fly you over the chasm one at a time."

After they had been flown across, they continued down the path through the canyon, which led to the elevator that they had seen before. Unfortunately, it had been broken, and Anton needed to fly them down the cliff again. By the time that he had finished, he noticed that everyone was staring at something. Puzzled, he examined the area before him and gasped. Before them all was a massive crater, and at the bottom of it was a man.

"GEORGE!" Banana screamed. She ran to the bottom of the crater and knelt next to him. "George, wake up! George! George! Please, wake up!"

She began sobbing and held George's body close, as if she were afraid that it would leave her. Brandy quickly joined her, a few tears in his eyes too. Even Britney shed tears, and crawled into the crater with the others.

Only Anton remained at the top. He landed on the ground and knelt on his little ladybug knees. He stared at his friends, crying next to their fallen hero. Their fallen friend. Just several weeks ago, George was nothing more than a simple noob. Nobody had ever given him a chance to prove his worth, or shown him sympathy, or been his friend. Anton couldn't even remember what he saw in him when they first met. There was just some little spark in there. Something that told him that this noob, this man, would amount to something great.

And he did.

Anton felt funny. His face felt wet, but it wasn't raining. Suddenly it dawned upon him: he too was crying. Never before had he felt this way. Nobody had touched him like George had. He flew down into the crater to join his friends.

They spent several minutes sobbing over George's lifeless body before Banana stood.

"I don't care what anyone says," Banana stated. "He was a hero. He was my hero."

They all looked at her and slowly nodded.

"Aye," Brandy nodded.

"Aye," Britney agreed.

"Aye," Anton said.

"In the end, it didn't matter the destructive path he left," Banana said, looking each of her crewmates in the eyes. "In the end, he made a choice he wasn't capable of even thinking about just a mere month ago. George gave his life for the Caribbean. The Caribbean should give his life meaning.


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After the destruction of Raven's Cove, the remaining crew of the Barnacle Brig stowed away aboard a passing merchant vessel. While they kept in touch, they largely went their separate ways and pursued their own interests, but always kept George, and each other, in their hearts.

After realizing his potential when sober, Brandy attended the University of Oxford in England and earned a doctoral degree in psychology. He is now a counselor for recovering alcoholics in London.

Britney, taming the power of his screaming voice, went on to become a singer under the name Peg Leg. He currently tours the Caribbean on concerts and just released an album by the name of Leg in the Water, after his lost limb. In his free time, he runs a charity dedicated to helping noobs realize their potential.

Banana became the first woman to join the crew of a vessel in the Royal Navy. She eventually became promoted to captain and was given command of her own ship, which she titled the Barnacle Brig II in memory of her former crew.

Anton returned to Isla Tormenta, where he began searching for a new adventure in the form of Davy Jones's heart. He hopes to stab it one day and become the first insect to captain the Flying Dutchman.

And that, my friends, is the tale of George the Noob and the Quest for the Lost Burrito.

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AND THAT'S IT! It's finished! Finally finished! May George and his tale rest in peace.