
08-23-2010, 08:23 AM
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Pixie Pyrates Overlord
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Ice Cream Shop
Posts: 480
My Mood:
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Thank you for another chapter.
I am very much enjoying the details you have painted into your story.
I did find towards the end a repetition of the use of the word quickly.
With just a minor adjustment, I think this chapter is excellent!
I am by no means an expert on anything, so please take no offense.
Thank You again for another wonderful chapter
Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Del
........ Darkskull looked up to check where the soldiers were, to see them looking down at him as they aimed their bayonets. In an act of desperation, he jumped off the wall, quickly landing himself to the ground. To his surprise, it didn't hurt much as he landed chest first on to the ground - his fall was only a meter and a half high.
He quickly collected himself and made off in to the crowd, quickly hiding himself. As he began to believe he was safe, off to distance, in the bay of Port Royal, the sky cracked the ominous whip of lightning.
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Please remember to comment and critique! The harsher the better!
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