George The Noob and the Quest for the Lost Burrito

[Robert Ironcastle]

LOL @ eyepatch.That was hilarious.

[Panos]

George's adventures make me laugh so much!

[Captain Gas]

When's the next chapter? Me needs some noob action!

[Panos]

Are the series dead?

[CaptainSam]

Not sure....

[Captain Gas]

Nah, I think Pib just is really busy. I understand if he is.

[pieisbetter2]

Alright, so here's the deal: the story is not dead. I'll admit I've been more lazy than busy these past months, and I apologize. There was times when I was able to, but I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to write. But do not fear! As a late Christmas gift I will be coming out with the next chapter before the end of December. Hopefully tonight, but I've been sick for a few days and my head is still all stuffed up, but I will try Again, I'm sorry about the lack of updates/chapters.

EDIT: The chapter should be coming out tomorrow, as I've been sick lately and haven't had the brains to write. I know, tomorrow isn't December, but it's the best I can do for you guys. Have a happy New Year!

[Bluepengie]

OMG! Havent been on this for like a year, and only 3-4 FLEEBERING CHAPTERS CAME OUT

I am, however merciful, so..... yea.........




NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBS!

[pieisbetter2]

Teh REAL Burrito

"soooooo.... dis iz teh restroom?" George asked blankly.

"Of course! I cannot believe this has been here for so long without me noticing! I feel so brainless!" Jolly said, scolding himself.

"well.... um you haz no brain cuz you iz a-"

"I KNOW YOU ILLITERATE FOOL!" Jolly screamed, storming off in the general direction of the bathrooms. The crew followed slowly behind, wary of how angry they should make him.

"Sir," reported an undead soldier ", we've checked the little lasses room, to no avai-" Jolly took the gun contraption on his hand, and shot the soldier through the skull, leaving a gaping hole just above the bride of his nose.

"No avail you say? There is no such thing! Search harder!" He yelled. The hollow head then stumbled away screaming at his brothers who stared in silence. Jolly spit at his feet and continued towards the other door, the one with simply and eye-patch. George was attempting to raise his hand, which again was unfortunate because his hands were tied behind his back. Britney couldn't help but laugh at such a fail for a person.

"HAHAHA- He can't even thi- BAHAHA- Trying to raise his ha- HAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!" He bellowed. He then proceeded to trip and land on a rock. "OOOOOOOH my kidneys." He squeaked. After all of this, Jolly couldn't help but laugh at their stupidity. Soon the whole group was laughing, except George, who was still trying to raise his hand. Suddenly the door with the eye-patch burst open and a large built dead person charged out.

"SIR! We have found the requested weapon!" Jolly stopped laughing and turned towards the other soldier.

"Where is it?" He asked quizzically. He marched through the door and the laughing crew followed unknowingly. Brandy stumbled through the door and got a mouthful of dead flesh and bone. He had essentially ran right into the back of Jolly, who took no notice to it. He was too busy staring at something that was sitting in the sink.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY. HEY. HEY. HEEEEY. HEYYYYY. HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEEEEEEY." George yelled, trying to get attention. "I stil haz a qwestion!"

"WHAT!?" Everyone screamed.

"oh.... wen does i get to eat teh nom noms?"

"The Burrito?" Anton asked.

"YUS "

"Um.... Not any time soon I'm afraid."

"oh. sadface "

Jolly scooped up the object in the sink and laughed manically.

"I've got places to be and people to yell at, can we leave now?" Britney asked obnoxiously.

"Yes, please. This place smells." said Banana.

"RUUUUUUUUUUM *hic* Oh.... wait." screamed Brandy.

"Indeed..." Observed Anton.

"no nom noms for george "

Jolly shoved past all of them and walked to the mouth of the cave.

"Ladies, gentlemen, dead people! I give you," Jolly announced ", The Lost Burrito!" He spun around and held it in the air, for all to stare at in awe.

"Now, my undead army, gather towards me! Together we shall seal this excuse for a crew inside this dreadful cave!" As he said this, every creature and non-living person that occupied the cave lumbered over. The noob crew was thrown against the rocks and were unable to get up. A small green-skinned person climbed above the cave mouth and planted a large barrel. There was a long silence, and then a hissing noise. As the undead army ran, Jolly just gave George a grim smile and walked away slowly. And then the explosion happened.

KABOOM!

Dust settled.

"AHHHHHHH! AH! AHHH! AAAAAH!" George screamed.

"George, shut up." Banana said weakly.

"AHHH! AAAAH! HAH AH AHHHHH!"

"GEORGE."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"GEORGE!"

"AHHHH! AHH- wait, boom boom iz over..."

"Thank you..."

"AHHHHH!"

"GEORGE YOU MANIAC!"

"WAIT! k me iz good." George was then smiling like nothing had ever happened. Oh, how this would not end well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There you go guys! It feels great to finally write like a noob again Hope you enjoyed!

[pieisbetter2]

BUMP :O

(I feel bad bumping ._.)

[Tiberius Fireskull]

That was quite funny. The screaming is always a fun addition, haha. I will try to write the next chapter when I have time.

[Captain Gas]

Tib, I believe it's your turn. :P

[Tiberius Fireskull]

WHOA!

Please ignore the fact that I was supposed to write this about a year and a half ago. Excuse me while I put my noob cap back on and try to finish this masterpiece. We're nearing the climax of the story, so there isn't quite as much humor, but read on!

Not so Nooby

If it weren't for the fact that Britney's head was glowing red with anger, it would have been pitch black. He also was thankfully keeping them all warm in the freezing cold of the cave, since he was always steaming with rage.

"WE ARE GOING TO DIE HERE IN HERE!!!!!" Britney screamed.

Brandy sat on the rocky ground and shook his head. "Uhh... how did I get here... what's going on...?"

"Oh God, this can't be," Anton said in shock. "I think that Brandy is sober. He hasn't had anything to drink in ages!"

"Who the Hell is Brandy?" Brandy asked grumpily. "I'm pretty sure that my name is - "

Before he could finish, George knocked him unconscious with a rock. "NO! UR NAME IS BRANDY! GETZ IT? BRANDY!!!111!"

"George, what the devil are you doing!?" Banana yelled.

"Itz okayz Banana! I iz gon save us all! "

Banana could no longer contain her anger. She stared directly at George, and spoke. "No George! No you won't! I've tried to be patient with you, and I've tried to be encouraging, but no longer! All of this? Us getting stuck here? It's YOUR fault! You're the reason why we're all stuck here, and why we're all about to die! Since you probably didn't understand the first time, I'll say it again. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, AND YOU ARE A MISERABLE FAILURE!"

If it had been Britney or Anton screaming in his face, George probably wouldn't have paid much attention. But this was different. This wasn't an angry British person missing half a leg or a beefed up ladybug. This was Banana, who he had loved and actually regarded as a semi-normal human being.

George's eyes welled with tears, and he soon began bawling like a little kid (which may or may not be appropriate, since nobody really knows how old he is...). He ran off into the dark cave beyond everyone else. The former crew of The Barnacle Brig listened to the sound of his footsteps and sobbing fading away. There was also the sound of him tripping and falling onto his face, but the running away quickly resumed. Eventually, they could no longer hear him.

"Geez Banana, even I think that was a bit harsh..." Britney said, looking at Banana in a more sane than normal fashion.

Banana looked away from the group. "Well, someone needed to say it. And it isn't like it matters anymore. All of us are doomed anyway." Nobody saw, but there was just a tinge of sadness in her expression

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

George kept running through the pitch black caverns. He ended up needing to change course once every fifteen seconds or so, since he was constantly smashing into walls and falling over in the darkness. Good thing nobody was there to see him; his face was a lot uglier than before due to all of the scratches and bruises, and the fact that his nose had been broken more times in the last day than anyone should ever have it broken in a lifetime.

At some point, George saw a strange, orange light in the distance. He made his way towards the light, and heard voices chattering as well. He started shivering as well, it had gotten too cold for noobs like him down here.

He turned a corner, and saw the sources of the orange light. In the center of a small cavern was a pair of glowing, orange people. George stared blankly at them, and they turned back to stare at him. Their hollow eyes glowed red with hate.

George stared at them in fear. "OMGz, I iz sory for interrupting your... whateverz yous were doingz!"

The two glowing orange men approached George. They looked like they were covered in glowing, radioactive vomit to George. George wished his vomit could glow like that. That would be epic. He didn't have too much time to daydream about that though. One of the men spoke.

"Who dares enter the caves of El Patron?" he hissed. "Only the dead may enter..."

The other man held up his hand. In a voice that seemed eerily goofy considering his intimidating appearance, he said, "Hey Phil, wait a minute! This guy isn't living! He's dead, just like us! Look at his face! No living guy could pull off something that hideous!"

The other man, Phil, groaned and spoke in a similar voice. "Aww man, but I love scaring the new guys! Why do you always need to be the party pooper Bill?"

George looked at them sadly. "Y u no kill me? I just deserve it anywayz... I iz a terrible person... I always mess everything up..."

Phil n Bill sat down next to George. Phil spoke. "Aww, come now buddy? What happened?"

"I make my crew angry. Now they're all going to die... iz all my fault..."

Bill sighed. "Look man, I'm not a very bright guy - "

Phil interrupted. "Bill, you're glowing pretty bright."

"Shut up you moron. Let me finish!" Phil sighed. "As I said, I'm not too bright, but I know a thing or two about failing. Look, I made a number of failures back when I was living. I failed many people, including myself. It took me decades of reflection after I died and ended up as a ghost like this to figure out what really matters. It isn't what you did. It's what you're going to do. Now kid, I think you have some potential. There are great things ahead of you. What are you going to do about it?"

George looked the strange, glowing man in the eyes. "You... you tinkz dat I haz potential? I... I iz not just......"

George didn't finish. His mind snapped somewhere else. He had never been given a compliment like this before. He had potential? He could actually amount to something? It was as if by those simple words of encouragement, he had reached a sort of enlightenment. His eyes, normally facing apart, came together to look straight forward. He understood the concept of proper grammar. His posture improved. Something resembling a brain began to form inside of his head.

Needing to do something epic, George stood up and unsheathed the Lost Sword of El Patron. He held it high above his head. Before he could say anything, Phil and Bill gasped in astonishment.

"Well look at that Phil," Bill breathed. "It's the boss's sword! Y'know what that means?!"

"Oh yeah..." Phil said. "He's the boss now."

Suddenly, more of the ghosts (George could actually understand that they were ghosts now) pooled into the cavern from the walls and outside. There was a collective muttering, something about "The boss is back". Before long, there were at least fifty of them gathered in the cavern. After a few moments, they all began bowing to George.

"Your crew awaits your command, Captain," Phil and Bill said at the same time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~

Anton, Brandy, Britney, and Banana sat in the cavern silently. Even Britney had shut up. They had found a half-drank bottle of rum on the ground to give to Brandy to keep him quiet.

Anton broke the silence. "Hey... what's that light coming towards us from that tunnel?"

They all sat up and stared. As the orange glow grew nearer, they saw what it was. A group of glowing ghosts marched toward them, armed with an assortment of weapons, from swords to knives to a few portable cannons.

Britney hopped over to them, screaming with glee. "YES! PLEASE! PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY! PLEASE!!!!!!"

The ghosts stopped and stood still, staring straight at the group.

"WELL!?" Britney screamed.

The ghosts uniformly parted down the center, and a figure, one that was not glowing, walked towards the crew of The Barnacle Brig.

Anton hovered in midair, staring in disbelief. "What? It can't be... you look so... non-noobish? George, is that you?"

It was indeed. George stood in front of all the ghosts, looking at his crew, smiling a smile that was by no means noobish, and in perfect English, he replied:

"Indeed it is me. Now, let's go get ourselves a Burrito."

---------------------------------------------------------------

Again, the story is coming to a climax. I see this being done in two chapters, three at most. There wasn't quite as much humor in this one, so I apologize. I hope that there are still even people who even read this story on these forums. Seeing even one comment would be amazing!

Now if Pib could do his part quicker than I did, that would be incredible! Let's finish this story!

[pieisbetter2]

Tibby.... that was fantastic. GTNATQFTLB IS BEING REBORN.

EDIT: I'll try to pump out my chapter within the next couple days

[pieisbetter2]

YAY CHAPTER

I See Ded Peoplez

Everyone was paralyzed with shock. They couldn't believe it. Was this really George? No, it couldn't have been. There must be a mistake. But it could only be him. He was carrying the Lost Sword.

"George... you... look.... not broken," Banana said in awe, "And rather handsome."

"By God he actually is a man!" Anton exclaimed.

"WHY COULDN'T THIS HAVE HAPPENED EARLIER?!" Britney screamed.

"I guess my name really is Brandy... who's George?" Brandy said confusedly. He seemed to not remember anything. He was as lost as you could possibly be.

"Get that fine gentleman some alcohol." George directed. He pointed his sword towards Brandy, or whoever he really was, and the ghosts brought forward several large crates filled to the brim with bottles of rum. Brandy didn't question a thing.

"So, Captain, what's your special plan on getting out of this hellhole?" Phil asked with his arms crossed.

"You guys have got some cannons, right?" the new Captain George questioned.

"Aye, plenty."

"Let's take 'em and put a big hole where that entrance used to be."

"Sounds like a plan, Captain. You heard him boys-"

"HEY!" a female voice whined from the middle of the group.

"-AND Marlene! Now go roll some of those cannons in!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ghosts were extremely efficient, they didn't even stop to rest. Probably because they were dead. But that's beside the point. The presence of a new captain inspired them to great lengths. Many seemed to be glowing brighter than before.

While the ghostly crew set up, the ORIGINAL crew went over what had happened.

"So, you're saying, something inside your head popped, and you instantly felt better?" Anton asked.

"Aye. I still feel the stupid side of me pressing to come out. But it only makes its way through occasionally." George answered.

"George *hic* what in the *hic* world happ*hic*ened....?" Brandy said quizzically. He was wasted again already, and had switched back to his drunken memories. I'm just as confused that that's a thing as you are.

"He got beautiful..." Banana said dreamily. Everyone turned to look at her and she blushed.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! WHY DOES EVERYTHING INSIST ON SHOWING UP LATE?! WHY?! WE WOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS BROKEN AND BEAT IF HE HAD JUST COME TO REALIZATION FASTER!" Britney screamed, furious as ever.

"As far as *hic* I'm concerned *hic* you're the only *hic* broken one here." Brandy managed in his tipsy voice.

"DON'T GET ME STARTED WITH YOU! YOU'VE BEEN DRUNK THIS ENTIRE 'QUEST', AND JUST AS YOU SOBERED UP, YOU WENT BACK AND POISONED YOURSELF AGAIN! AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!"

"You want *hic* some?" Brandy offered him a bottle. Britney started to cry and grabbed a bottle. He took about two swigs and then went insane again, hopping up on his one foot, waving his arms, and throwing the bottle all in one swift movement. Then he fell on his face and broke his nose again. And then he cried. Again.

"We're almost as pathetic as before." Anton said as he facepalmed. Well, facelegged. Yea. That's a thing too.

"Look guys, I have a plan. None of you need to worry either. These ghosts are a lot more solid than they look." George thrust his arm outward, gesturing towards the group of ghouls. Everyone turned to the direction he was pointing. There was a short, fat and balding man with a large piece of ham in one hand and a rusty dagger in the other, which he happened to be using to pick his nose with.

Everyone sighed.

"Alright, in all seriousness, what is your plan, George?" Banana asked.

"Well, I'm glad someone is interested." They all huddled together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

KABLAM!

The ring of the cannon shots seemed to go on forever in Brandy's ears. Well, everything seemed to ring infinitely. He was drunk 110% of the time.

As the smoke started to clear, George attempted to give an inspiring speech, but as his nerves got to him, the noob within him took over.

"BURRO-" Anton slapped him quickly "-BURRITO!" The crowd shouted back in agreement.

"RUUUUUU*hic*UUUUUM!!" Brandy screamed from the back, his voice cracking. The crowd shouted in agreement to this too. Then the dust settled and the smoke had risen, and through the ashes they marched.

Waiting for them on the other side was a group of five undead soldiers. George rushed them and sliced at a downward angle, cutting one clean through from the shoulder to the hip causing it to stumble around before completely falling apart. He then stabbed another one right in the collar bone, but his sword got stuck. The confused skeleton looked down, wondering what was going on. Another undead ran at George, but he reacted by throwing his elbow into the jaw of the skeletal being, sending his skull down into the large crater filled with water. George then turned back to his sword, still embedded in the collarbone, and he kicked the soldier in the ribs. His sword slid right out, and the confused skeleton stumbled backward a bit before the chubby ghost with the ham charged at him.

"YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" shouted the ghost, before he tackled the undead soldier and the two of them sailed over the edge of the hole. The last two skeletons looked around, dropped their weapons, and jumped into the hole too.

George turned around and looked at the crowd puzzled. They all shrugged, and then cheered. George went with it. He looked over at Banana who couldn't help but giggle. They continued on.

As they crossed the rope bridge, they were singing as if they had already won. But they were far from it. Below, Jolly's remaining forces continued to beat upon the now nearly defenseless citizens. It was a slaughter. But alas, they continued to sing.

George, Banana, Brandy, and Britney all squeezed into the elevator down. Anton flew, and all the ghosts just jumped. They were ghosts, they had nothing to worry about. When they all reached the bottom, they were surprised by the sheer mass of Jolly's army.

All the undead had 1000 yard stares, unaffected by the amount of glowing orange people surrounding them. As if it were normal, all the skeletons drew their weapons at the same exact time. The ghosts did just the same. And then the battle commenced.

George dove right in, slicing up his enemies as easily as he had a couple minutes prior. Anton flew overhead, giving orders and occasionally diving down and getting into the mix of things. Banana fought gracefully as she always had. Brandy ran into battle hiccuping every step, and swinging his hands in every direction he could. Britney didn't do a thing. He just gave the undead soldiers as deathly a stare as they had, occasionally screaming in their faces, and they would walk away.

The ghosts were an entirely different story. Bill n Phil fought like a mixture between George and Brandy. It was all over the place, but it got the job done well. The rest of the crowd seemed fairly experienced. Even Marlene was doing pretty good.

Slowly, George's army made their way through, eventually passing by the mine-cart, under the arch, and into the town. It was a mess. Bodies of innocent people were piling up. Families cowered in dark corners before skeletons would find them and kill them too. But, almost instantly, every skeleton stopped what they were doing, and turned to the glowing group.

The two legions clashed, both fighting fiercely for their cause. Undead crumbled, ghosts vaporized, both sides receiving heavy losses. George swiped and took off the head of one soldier, and charged another one, kicking upward into his pelvis. Nothing. Oh, yea, it was all old dried bone. He ducked as the skeleton tried to slice him, and tackled the undead into another one. He stomped on both of their rib cages, shattering them in doing so. Another soldier came flying at him, his sword raised above his head. George parried and cut the skeleton into multiple sections. Suddenly, he felt a surge of energy. He looked down at himself. He was glowing green! And transparent! He looked at his sword again, and it too was transparent and green. He decided he didn't have time to question it and instead fought on seemingly unaffected by the weapons of his enemy.

Soon enough, the ghost army was wearing thin and George was no longer in his powerful state. They were easier to get rid of than the undead. Aware of this George grabbed Banana, who almost stabbed him thinking he was a skeletal soldier.

"Banana, our friends have fought well, but many are falling to the swords of Jolly's men. I couldn't let anything happen to you or the rest of our crew." George shouted over the clang of metal. Around them the battle raged on.

"What are you insisting?" Banana asked, worriedly.

"I want you guys to return to the cave. There is enough gunpowder left over to seal yourselves in and enough to free yourselves once this is over."

"But George, why would we seal ourselves away if we can help you here?"

"... I'm going to fight Jolly, retrieve The Burrito, and eat it." A light rain started as George said this.

"No... no... no George! You can't!" Banana yelled, choking back tears.

"I have to! It's the only possible way to stop Jolly in his tracks! Otherwise he'll continue to wreck havoc on the Caribbean!"

"But this isn't part of the plan you were going to destroy The Burrito!"

"I'm afraid that's no longer an option. Banana, please. You must go on. Tell everyone what happened here. THAT is your duty right now."

"But... George... I love you..." Banana said. She looked down, almost embarrassed and defeated. George lifted her chin.

"I know." He said, and then he kissed her. George wasn't sure what to do with his hands, so they kind of hung at his side awkwardly. After what seemed like an okay forever, Banana pulled away, and smiled. George smiled back. "Now get going!"

"Yessir!" Banana saluted, gave George a quick hug, and then ran to find the others.

George returned his thoughts to the battle. stepping out of one of the buildings was Jolly. In his free hand The Burrito seemed to gleam with power.

"JOLLY!" He shouted, his nerves got to him and he spoke like a noob again "1v1 mi irl bro!"

Jolly laughed, slipped The Burrito into a pocket and stepped forward.

George stood up straight, pulling himself together. He had a sudden boost of confidence.

Now was his time. Now was the time of The N00b.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Getting back into this was harder than I thought. This took me TWO hours. AND it's pretty late. Anyways, here you go! I'm aware it isn't as funny as most, but these last couple chapters will take a bit more of a serious note.

Regardless, enjoy