One sentence story - you made this!

[Dark_Pixie]

Someone on the current one sentence story suggested this, so I spent about two hours copying down all the sentences. I take absolutely no credit for most of the sentences. I only take credit for my sentences. I made a few changes, because of spelling and stuff, but that's all I changed. Warning: this story is laugh out loud funny! I should have made it into two separate posts, I know. :P This is the story so far (there might have been an update on the story by the time you've read this)...

The Story... of a lifetime

Davy Jones was captain of the Flying Dutchman. He sailed the seven seas. Eventually, Davy Jones came across a strange 8th sea. The 8th sea, unbelievably, was made out of rum. Davy Jones had a secret, and that secret was that he loved rum more than his dear Calypso. However, since Calypso was in the sea, and the sea was made out of rum, Jones became very confused. He started to drink the rum that was in the sea, but began to wonder if he was really drinking his true love. So great was his confusing, he ordered his crew to destroy all of the rum in the world, and to also kill Tia Dalma.

An evil god controlled the 8th sea, and he was angry. This god decided to destroy Davy Jones’ Locker! It was the brother of Calypso, the horrible god named Bob! Bob made waste to the locker. However, Bob forgot that he had left his gym shorts in Davy’s locker. Bob cursed, and went into the ruins to find his smelly shorts. He found them, but as soon as he picked them up, it disintegrated. All of the sudden, he heart the giggling of a little girl from behind him, and he turned to see his attacker. Bob asked the girl, “What’s your name, little devil?”
The girl says, “I’m a man!” and takes off his mask. Bob gasps in horror, and then requests,
“So tell me your name, tall cross-dresser.”
“My name is Jim.” says Jim. Davy Jones then appears out of nowhere. Bob looks at Davy Jones, and remembers why he had destroyed the locker in the first place, so, he tackles Jones.
Jones says “Ouch! Hey, this isn’t football.”
Jim dogpiles on them both.

Suddenly, a random referee appears and says, “Penalty on the god and Jim. Unnecessary Roughness. 20 yards. 4th Down.”
The ref blows up.

Bob slices off Davy Jones’s beard and starts frying it, seeing if it makes good calamari. Jim seasons it with the necessary spices. Davy pounces. They enter a huge fight. They tumble out of the locker, and Jack is standing there, gun out, not noticing them. Jack then says something in an unrecognizable language. The trio get up, and tackle Jack. Jack gets his sword and finishes the fight. Stealth comes in and shoots Davy, Bob and Jack, killing them. Jack had a bullet proof vest so when Stealth is asleep Jack comes in and kills Stealth. Davy lives because his heart is not destroyed.

Davy Jones gets shot out a cannon by Jack Sparrow. Some of his tentacles are burnt to a crisp. The tentacles burnt smell like elderberries. So then he eats them, because they smell good. He then realises that his beard is bleeding. He goes to a gypsy to cure it. The gypsy slaps him for breaking her heart a few years ago. Stealth comes back from the dead. The gypsy marries Stealth. Stealth divorces, and goes back to being a pirate. Then he says, “YO-HO-YO-HO A PIRATES LIFE FOR ME!!!!”

Then he gets hit by a rum barrel. Then Stealth grows wings. Stealth gets on his ship, the Bountyhunter Fish. Which, by the way, was not actually a fish, and did not hunt for any bounties, for Stealthy deemed fugitives too scary. Stealth sailed the seven seas, going after Davy Jones’s crew, because he was bored. Stealth then stumbled upon the magical 8th sea. Where he then finds himself drifting off course and losing track of time and direction. He realizes that the sea is made of rum and dives in. Then the so called ‘rum’ was deadly poison and Stealth dies. (he’s in Davy Jones’ Locker now)

Stealth walks around. And dies. Or so we think. Then some guy with a staff puts Stealth in a tornado. The tornado turns into Davy Jones. Then Davy Jones ad says something. He said, “Freeze! Everybody clap your hands!” Then Davy plays his organ. Davy plays his organ whilst the rest of the crowd dances a slow tango. Then they all break into a break dance competition.

KABOOOOOM! I (Bluepengie) COME IN AND SAY, “STOP! HAMMER TIME!” then everyone is like WOOT WOOT and I’m like, break dancin’.

Suddenly, Michael Jackson rises from the dead and dances to Thriller with his zombie minions. Davy Jones begins to play his theme song on the organ, and Michael Jackson continues to dance to Thriller. And then Jack Sparrow made a quick getaway whilst the impromptu party was going on, with as much rum as he could carry. But Jack could not escape because they were in a locked treasure chest. Jack gets out, and finds that he is in London. Jack decided to dance with Davy Jones. And he danced with Davy in the pale moonlight… then Davy recognized Jack. Then they start a fistfight.

Then Jack gets knocked out cold, only to wake up and find out that he was dreaming. Then Jack smells fire, and then he notices his hair is on fire! Then he, sadly burns to death… then Davy dances on his corpse. But the charred corpse sits up and grabs one of his dancing legs! Then Davy screams like a girl. And he turns into a girl. Then corpse Jack becomes confused. Then Davy Jones wakes up on the Flying Dutchman saying…
“Yo-ho-yo-ho a pirate’s life for me!” Then a firebrand flew past his head, and the crew yelled,
“We’re under attack!” And then Davy finds out it is the Queen Anne’s Revenge that is attacking the Flying Dutchman. Then he shouts,
“BROADSIDE PORT! DEATH TO BLACKBEARD.” He sinks beneath water and calls the Kraken. Then he throws an apple… and the Kraken eats it and falls asleep. Blackbeard laughs and gives the order to arm cannons. But, somehow, the cannons arm Blackbeard! Blackbeard can’t move as the cannons pull him down through the ship and into the water. But luckily, the cannons shoot Blackbeard out and he lands somewhere on Raven’s Cove.

As Blackbeard gets up, he sees a rage ghost coming for him. (Jaws music) He runs away screaming until he bumps into Foulberto Smasho and El Patron in a brawl. Then they see him and both attack him. And to make matters worse, Devil Root, Neban the Silent, Remington the Vicious, General Darkhart, Jacques le Blanc and Thomas Blanco all join in and battle! Blackbeard then suspends them in mid air with his sword. Blackbeard makes them all zombies. Since he turned them into zombies which have no loyalty, instead of Jumbees, the zombies eat him. Then Blackbeard comes to life as a zombie and eats the other zombies. Then he starts killing ghosts, and finds the Lost Sword of El Patron.

Meanwhile Davy is plotting revenge.

Meanwhile Blackbeard finds a cure for zombies. He slugs it like it’s rum. Blackbeard turns out to be ruler of the zombies (AKA Jumbees).

Meanwhile the Lost Sword of El Patron, and the Sword of Triton come to life. Then Captain Jack enters and clinks two chalices together, hoping something will happen. Then the swords attack him. Suddenly they find the Fountain Of Youth. Jack drinks it all and glows with immortality. The victim he used turns out to be a level 700 undead boss called Skeleton King. Jack then fights him, but can’t die. The skeleton king has a special ability to remove immortality by making Jack mortal again. Jack runs away screaming! Jack is swallowed whole by a fly trap. But then the (still alive) Sword of Triton and Lost Sword of El Patron cut him out of it! The skeleton king chases him.

The skeleton king trips over a rock and falls into a pool of boiling hot milk. The skeleton king dissolves. Jack drinks his victory skeleton soup. Suddenly the skeleton king gets out of the pool of boiling milk since he has so much HP. But, seeing as the milk is in Jack’s stomach, the skeleton comes out miniature and finds that he is stuck in Jack’s stomach. He then starts attacking Jack from the inside! He attacks him so much that Jack throws up, and the tiny skeleton now starts running away from Jack’s foot! And then the tiny Skeleton King drinks some Growing Grog and eats Jack!

But Jack just falls between the skeleton king’s rips and hits the ground hard. Jack then slashes SK in the Achilles heel, killing him.

Jack rejoices, and heads to Tortuga for a pint of rum. He then revises his request, and aims to get a whole barrel. He revises his request to get 5 whole barrels. So he robs the tavern. And I (HammyTheSquirrel) rob him of his rum!

Furious, Jack sets out for revenge! Only to come face to face (or ship to ship) with the re-spawned Queen Anne’s Revenge! He orders to fire, and grabs his jar o’ dirt. But the Jar breaks! So his heart breaks! Jack notices Davy’s heart isn’t there, and he freaks out. And it turns out that Blackbeard stole the heart! So he boards and engages Blackbeard in a fight. There is an epic battle, and it leads to the top of the masts, where Jack and Blackbeard are in a dangerous position. Jack trips, but grabs onto Blackbeard as he falls. He grabbed onto Blackbeard’s beard! Blackbeard cries out in agony. Lt. Commander Grooves slaps him. He gets angry with him and uses the Sword of Triton to send Grooves off the boat. Then Jack says, “WAIT I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY!!!!!!”

Everyone stops and looks at him. And Jack screams for no reason. Then he goes into a tavern and steals some rum. Only after he climbs up Blackbeard’s beard, pushes him into the water, takes the QAR, and sails to Tortuga. But Tortuga comes to life and eats the Queen Anne’s Revenge! So Jack runs to a dingy with his stolen rum and sails away to safety. He happily drank all the rum. And fell out of the boat! The shark attack now begins. He wards them off with his endless supply of empty rum bottles. The leader shark starts to fly, Jack says,
“It’s a bird, no it’s, it’s a plane, no it’s Supershark!”

He smacks it in the nose with a rum bottle. Jack decides that sailing is not the best option, and quickly sails to Cuba. There he meets Tia Dalma. With a blue lobster ready for the fire. Jack watches Tia throw the lobster in and chant something. Jack asked her if she was making a potion but her answer was rather surprising. She simply said she was making dinner. Jack asks if he could have some. Tia sternly says,
“NO.” Jack offers someone’s soul for some blue lobster. But, ironically, that soul happens to be Tia’s! Then Tia slaps Jack, meanwhile, GTN (from GTNATQFTLB) pukes on Cutler ‘Bucket’.

Meanwhile Davy is advancing to Cuba quickly. Unfortunately, Jack and Tia have brought out the rum, and are quite drunk when Davy arrives. But Davy becomes furious that he can’t join them because he can’t step on land. So Jack and Tia taunt him with bottles of rum, making him angrier and angrier. So he calls his best buddy, Cthulhu. Cthulhu steals all their rum! Jack starts to cry. (cue sad music) Cthulhu slaps Jack for crying like a baby and then promptly eats him. Jack rejoices at the fact that Cthulhu didn’t chew. Then the stomach acids start to burn!

Jack feels a really bad feeling, and then burps loudly, making Cthulhu cough him up as he hurtles back up his throat. Tia curses Cthulhu making him burn alive. Davy is upset that his ex-girlfriend killed his best mate. He orders the Kraken on her! Tia simply steps into her hut while the Kraken roars at her from the sea. Davy is very angry. So angry that he explodes! Pieces of Davy land on Jack and Tia.

Jack jumps into the water. Only to be eaten by Davy’s pet. But this time it chews… and Jack sadly dies. Then Tia reincarnates him. And then Tia and Jack are eaten by the Giant Squid. And they appear in Davy Jones’ Locker. Davy’s burnt remains laugh. Because Davy’s been sent to his own locker! Davy says the magic spell to get out, but Jack and Tia get out too. Jack and Tia trap Davy back to whatever land. Davy finds that Blackbeard is there too. Davy and Blackbeard become good friends! Then they find Barbossa, who was marooned on the very same island. They send a friend request. And make a guild! They call it, ‘Davy Jones Crew’, but the other two get jealous that the guild is named after Davy. So they call it the BarbossaBlackbeardDavyJones Crew! And they make it their mission to kill Jolly Roger…

But they first have to get off the island. So they hitch a ride on Davy’s pet. But along the way, it gets hungry. The Kraken eats them all. And has a quiet nap at the bottom of the ocean. And is then promptly eaten by whatever caused Bloop. Meanwhile, the pirates are in a brawl inside of the Kraken. Davy was made they had changed the guild name, BB and Barbossa were mad at each other… because they were. The Kraken throws up, and Bloop throws up. Puke flies everywhere! The Kraken is infuriated by this and eats Bloop (who is bigger than the Kraken). The Kraken explodes because he didn’t chew Bloop.

Davy, Barbossa and Blackbeard attend the Kraken’s funeral. But they get drunk and jump off a cliff. They hit the ground with a big ‘THUD!’. Jack says,
“Ugh… I think I broke somethin’.” Then realises he landed on the bottle with the Black Pearl in it. He rejoices! Barbossa is upset because he was about to steal the bottle. And in a moment of pure rage he viciously kills Jack. He steals the bottle.

Jack gets out of the locker and plans revenge on Barbossa. He finds Gibbs and asks him to get him a donkey. Gibbs says that he doesn’t know where to look for a donkey, so Jack decides to use Gibbs instead. So Gibbs gets on his knees and starts to make donkey sounds while Jack rides him around Tortuga. Then Gibbs gets shot by Barbossa. Jack is angry that his donkey got shot. He shoots Barbossa (again) and steals his ship. Jack soon forgets about the death of Gibbs. He is intent on finding a way to get the Pearl out.

But then he looks down to see he is holding a taco, apparently, he grabbed a taco instead of the Pearl at Taco Bell. Jack decides not to bother with the Pearl for now, and sets off to find a filling for his taco. He looks at Taco John’s, but finds they are out of buissness. Then he wonders why ‘buissness’ isn’t spelt correct (it’s buisness) and then falls off a cliff while walking. After he breaks his leg, he wonders why ‘spelt’ isn’t a word.

Then Jack lays there for a while and doesn’t move…

The impact on the ground made him smart, despite the broken leg, and he realises that it is spelled ‘business’! Then with his newfound knowledge he sets off after the Pearl again. He knows exactly where it is! (maybe…) Now Jack goes to get the Pearl.

Then ends up going to jail. But then he kicks the door down. And is greeted by Misty. Then Jason Lockbane comes in with his evil minion, George Ironswine. Then the 4 friends go gallivanting off for adventure. And then Jolly Roger enters the jail and kills them all. So they end up back in their jail cells and they never even left the building.

Then Captain Andy kills Jolly from behind. But Smasho comes along and kills them again, turning them all into rage ghosts! Then Jolly is cast to Davy Jones’ Locker. He finds Davy himself. Then Jolly attacks Davy, but Davy kills him with ease.

Jolly is regenerated 5 feet away. Then Jolly uses his powers to kinetically stab the heart. Then Davy hits Jolly once and kills him again. Davy dies and is also regenerated 5 feet away (they’re already in the Locker). Then El Patron and Blackbeard, who are also in the Locker, get in a fight with Jolly. They all kill each other over and over again.

And they do this for 123 years until they just decide to do a tavern (if they have those in Davy’s Locker) and drink rum together. They discuss their deaths. Then compare battle scars. They all plan revenge on Captain Andy who killed them all.

And they get their revenge, by escaping the Locker, finding him, and stabbing him 987 times. But he is still alive! So they keelhaul him. He takes out his Sharkfang Blade and stabs them all! In a shish kebab. Then not being a cannibal he throws them into the deep sea. He takes control of the ship and names it ‘Fire-sail Lion’ and plunders the seven seas. But he hits a rock and sinks. But the rock is damaged by the impact and sinks too! Andy somehow makes it to the bottom of the ocean alive only to have the (five ton) rock fall on him…

Then Chuck Norris comes along… and then Bloop attacks him. But Bloop is gone before he even moves an inch because Chuck Norris killed him (or it?). Andy squirms up from the rock and greets Chuck. But Chuck Norris doesn’t even think and Andy is already dead… now Chuck Norris goes back home to be a Texas ranger again.

Andy (who survived) goes back to plundering. But, even though Andy thinks he (impossibly) survived Chuck Norris, he realizes that he has become undead (it is impossible to survive Chuck Norris). Then the plunder that he was plundering plundered him instead. He sets out to find Tia to fix it.

To make a long sentence short… Tia fixes it. But he finds out that it was a man wearing woman’s clothes and that Tia has already left Earth and returned to the God World. Andy doesn’t care, he has been fixed. Later on, he realizes that he has started to grow barnacles! He picks them off and encounters Jack Sparrow.

Jack gives him the black spot. He in turn gives it to Jack the monkey. Who bites his own hand off. Andy takes the monkey and nurses it back to health. And trains it to be a killing machine. Together they fight Blackbeard. And win. Then they claim the Sword of Triton as their prize.

Then El Patron comes along and kills them both with his Legendary sword. Lucinda comes along and heals them then gives them eternal life. Then they go to Taco Bell for a bite. Then they meet Iron Anvil and they see him cutting up some steak with his Lost Sword of El Patron (he takes very good care of his sword, he cleans it every day). They ask to try some. They like it very much. They hire Iron Anvil as a personal chef (he is payed well). He cooks them whatever they like. They like rum cake. Iron quickly and swiftly makes a rum cake. Andy and Jack are very happy. Suddenly, a dancing kitten wearing a coat comes out of nowhere and kills them all, to be banished forever from the living world.

They arrive in Davy Jones’ Locker, and decide to make a team so they can figure out a way to get back to the living world.

Meanwhile, in Tortuga, Stealth plans to rob the King Of Spain.

But then they remember they have eternal life, and wake up from the dream of the locker. Only to find out that they sat on the back of a giant sinking turtle. The turtle hasn’t realised they’re there. They start paddling and use the turtle as a raft. By this time, the turtle HAS noticed them. Then the turtle swam down to the bottom of the ocean, and for some reason, now the story revolves around the turtle. The crew are sad that the story no longer revolves around them. And then the turtle gets a lazer gun and blasts the crew into smithereens.

A random old man comes along and starts picking up the pieces of the crew for his collection. Then the unknowing man eats the pieces and gets turned into a turtle, in which, the sea turtle falls in love with.

Meanwhile, the pieces are forming back together inside the turtle…

HTurtle (human turtle) gets transformed into a zombie and is sucked down to Davy Jones’ Locker, much to Turtle’s dismay. Then Andy comes and kills Zombiedude/hTurtle. Too bad Andy just found out that you can’t kill a zombie or something in Davy Jones’ Locker!

So he goes back to plunderin’.

THE END

So there you have it, the craziness of POF in one thread. I'm not sure whether to be proud or worried.

My favourite part by far, was Davy's "Freeze! Everybody clap your hands!" bit. That made me laugh so much, I didn't think I'd be able to continue typing!

[HammyTheSquirrel]

That's crazy! Great job everyone!

[James Bladefury]

Brilliance.... I burst out laughing after reading this.

[Davy_Mcwrecker]

Now....... If only we could make this into a story like GTNATQFTLB, and Everyone writes a chapter, as they posted. That might be the most strangest story.................... ever.

[Dark_Pixie]

The thought this story generally provokes, I find, is "Why did I just spend 20 minutes of my time reading that?". Unfortunately, the question will never be answered...

[Mr. Awesome]

Nice work DP!!

And I don't know, this story gave me a good 20 minutes.

[andyspins]

Lol! I did the exact same thing, it's on my userpage, mine has no grammar corrections, and there have been a few new changes. Great minds think alike!