Good story. You should definitely lengthen it though, maybe make the chapters four or five paragraphs long. Give yourself a few days and write it out in Notepad or something, and make edits as you see fit. When you think it can't get any better, copy and paste it onto POF and post it. Add a bit more detail into the story - perhaps a lengthy battle scene or a detailed description of what the character is seeing or doing.
You're doing a good job - us readers can't help wanting more.
