[Tiberius Fireskull]

Welcome mates, to the most amazing comedy/epic/tragedy/noob story in POF history!

George the Noob and the Quest for the Lost Burrito

By Pieisbetter2, Co-Author: Davy Fireskull.


We are officially moving this thread from the Blog to the Forums, so please enjoy. We have currently finished four chapters and the prologue. I will post those here. Enjoy!


George was your average noob. Short, stupid, and in love with his rusty cutlass. He wasn't the person to go around causing trouble, he just said he happened to be there when something bad happened. For example, when he was privateering, he slipped on the wet deck and his rusty cutlass made a hole big enough to sink the ship. Everyone on it had to take an emergency dingy to Kingshead, where most ended up getting arrested and hanged by the navy. Coincidence? I think not! But to this day George still will cause people enough pain just by standing there. He doesn't get why people don't like him. But I don't think anyone is very surprised. I mean, really people? Look at the title. This has got to be one noobtastic story. But then again, it's gonna be epic. Anyway, George's fate will soon be determined when he comes face to face with the most dangerous quest ever known in the history of epic noob adventures. Not only will many perish, but George is about to find the most powerful, gas-busting, bean filled, Mexican cuisine known to man. The Lost Burrito.

Chapter 1: The Malicious Ladybug

George was doing his usual. Asking people to be his friend, attacking the navy in Fort Charles, then running like there was no tomorrow. He usually repeated this several times a day before going out on his light sloop and running into other ships or trying to shoot other pirate's ships. He found an island that he hadn't been on before. He anchored his ship and swam ashore. When he landed there was a big gate and a sign above it.
The sign read "Welcome to Isle Tormenta!: The deadliest place on earth!" Below that was a smaller sign that read "Tour times: Monday-Thursday: 6:30a.m-6:30p.m. Friday-Sunday: 7:00a.m-5:30p.m" George of course, was too lazy to even attempt to read the times, so he just walked through. He saw a large opening in a tall mountain type thing with two weird looking guys just standing on either side of the hole. He walked straight in, and neither of them bothered him. The inside was dark, damp, and smelled like old sushi. There was another one of those strange men, but he looked a little different and his head was slightly more round. But this one noticed him.
He yelled "Part of the ship, part of the crew!" and charged George. George was about to unsheathe his rusty cutlass and attack back, but for once, he actually used his brain (:O) and decided it was a terrible idea.
Instead he started running in circles yelling "OMG!!1!1!!!! This weird guy that looks like a cow is chasing me!!!1! AHHH!1!!!!!!!!" That one sentence was enough to do something, because just then, the cow man fell flat on his back as if he had been clothes-lined and was repeatedly punched by some mysterious force. George continued to freak out. After he noticed that the weird dude was unconscious he stopped screaming and walked slowly over to him. He looked real close, and he saw something that he couldn't believe. There was a ladybug that had saved his life.
The ladybug said to him "My name is Antón Felix III! I protect those in this cavern from these horrible beasts! Why are you here and what is you name!" George responded with something that probably didn't sound to intelligent
"You is pretty bug!.... Oh me name is George and I is here 'cause me never seen this island before "
The malicious ladybug slapped him "You fool! This is no place for an amazing person like yourself to be wandering! It's dangerous here! Unless of course, you have come for secrets of the Lost Burrito...?"
"Teh Lost Burro?"
"No! The Lost Burrito!"
":O YAY FOR YUMMIES!"
"Quiet boy! we don't want to catch the attention of any of these other creatures!"
"Okie. "
"Now are you ready for the most dangerous quest known to man.....?"

Chapter 2: Q!!!!!!!!

Anton claimed there was a Lost Burrito, the most powerful Mexican cuisine in the world. Of course George was interested, he's a noob, duh :P.
"Does teh burrito tastes like burrito?" George asked Anton.
"Of course you fool! That is why it is a burrito!" The lady bug responded before again slapping him.
"But how did teh peoples lose dah burrito?"
"It was lost in a violent battle between the undead and the pirates. Both wanted its gassy powers for themselves. The pirates would use it to protect their islands from invaders, but the undead wanted it for its sheer power. If consumed it was to be the most dangerous weapon Jolly Roger could get his hands on. In the heat of battle, it rose into the sky and in a burst of light that blinded every angel, it completely disappeared. It was gone, but not destroyed."
"So teh bad peoples made it go boom boom?"
"Precisely"
"So you know where teh yummies is?"
"I believe so," Anton told him, "follow me." They were walking from the room they were hiding from when suddenly another one of those weird men attacked them.
"Stop! You don't belong here!" He screamed. Anton simply head-butted him and the man was dead. He dropped a large treasure chest with a skull and cross-bones type thing on the front.
"Uh... how does you open teh brown shiny thingy?" George asked. He bent down a poked the top of it. It popped straight open. He reached inside and pulled out a sword. The blade was a gold color and the hilt was a black color.
"No! It can't be!" Anton yelled in surprise "But it is! The Legendary Sword of El Patron!"
"It looks like junk." George said. He bit the blade, his eyes crossed.
"We must leave now! Before they see it!"
"Okie " They both ran straight for the exit.
When they made it out of the cave Anton told George, "The only thing that could make this more epic was if-"
BOOM!
Just then the cavern entrance spewed orange flames as it exploded.
"Its funny how that was right on cue." Anton noted.
"Q!!!!!!!!" George scream with joy.
"No you idiot! Cue! It means-" Anton sighed, "Never mind what it means. Lets just get off this blasted island." And the two went off to find a worthy ship.

Chapter 3: GOOGOOGAH!

The two went to find George's dingy, but it was gone.
"Aww, me tiny boat thingermajig probably went boom boom like teh Burrito of lostedness."George cried.
"Never fear my boy! I will find another dingy so we can get away from this dreaded island!" Anton told him. The cave behind them was still spewing orange flames, and the two strange men standing outside were now flat on their backs, steaming.
"I shall be right back brave one. Don't do anything stupid!"
"Okie " As Anton went in search of a new escape route, George couldn't help but be stupid, disobeying his orders. He lifted the Lost Sword, it's blade glinting in the low light. You could see where George had bitten it. There was a clear mark. For a noob, he had a pretty strong bite. He could feel its cursed essence flowing through his arm. It suddenly felt heavy in his arm and he dropped it. It hit the ground, point first, the hilt sticking straight up into the air. George bent down to pick it up again, but he noticed the water.
He said to himself, "Maybe I could swims to Port Royal place :O." He dove into the water. After about ten feet he couldn't swim any further.
"OMIGOSHES!" He screamed. "Teh waters have me!" And with that last sentence he went under.

~~~~~~~~~~

Anton was having trouble finding a decent boat. All the dingys that he had seen were barely floating on the water. He was about to give up when he heard someone scream
"OMIGOSHES!" He knew immediately that it was George. He spun around and flew as fast as he could in his direction. When he arrived he couldn't see him. Then just under the surface of the clear blue water, was George. Anton flew over, and with his super awesomeness ladybug strength, lifted George out of the water and onto the beach. He slapped him a couple of times before he gagged up a mouthful of water and continued screaming.
"AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!11!!!!!!"
"Silence you fool. Your safe now. But alas, I have not found an escape."
"Crud-monkeyz." George said as he stood up. He grabbed the Lost Sword, sheathed it, and walked along the beach, Anton resting on his shoulder. He tripped on a large rock and landed flat on his face.
"Uh... ouchies?" He pulled himself up turned around, and kicked the rock.
"Oi mate! Don't want to be doing that now do we?" The rock said in a Scottish type of accent. The legs of the rock popped out.
" 'ello there. I'll be granting you one wish before you go no your way!" It told the two.
George screamed, "TEH MAGICAL ROCK OF GOOGOOGAH!"
"I'm sorry boy, what was that?" It questioned him.
"Oh... nothings I wishes for a rustier cutla-"
"He MEANS we wish to be transported to Port Royal!" Anton interrupted.
"Well then, let's be on our way shall we?" The rock just sat there, but suddenly the sand began to swirl around them before it became a full fledged tornado. Before they could do anything, George and Anton went unconscious, and both were transported to Port Royal.

Chapter 4: Epic Crew

"Whoaz!" was the only thing George could think to say.
"It was like we were traveling to a distant land!" Anton of course was totally amazed by this. DUH. He had never left he caverns. The two walked along the dock and onto the beach. It was dark out now, the horizon above, speckled with bright stars. The sand under their feet made a crunching sound as they continued along the beach. They eventually reached the edge of the grass after George kept on freaking out about every detail such as: "OH! Teh sand is yellowz!" or "That rock smellz funny." and even "Sand taste like poopie "
"Do not eat the sand boy! It will poison you! I think..." It frustrated Anton to not know whether something was good or not.
"Okayz " George said as he pulled his head out of the sand, eyes facing opposite directions. The two could hear the pirate partying. Sure, this was Port Royal, not Tortuga, but maybe this was a special occasion. When they reached the entrance to Fort Charles, there were at least 125 pirates partying. People of all kind: Men, women, drunks, oldies, even the occasional noob like George. George weaved through the crowd, Anton on his shoulder.
"Wait! I have an idea!" Anton screamed. He hopped off George's shoulder and grabbed a large cloth he found laying on the ground. Neither of them knew what it was, and neither wanted to find out. Anton then found some burned wood from the fire. He tried writing on it, but the wood was too big.
"BLAST!" he screamed.
"Uh.... let meh helpz u!" George screamed at him.
"Okay," Anton told him, "write something about looking for a crew." Anton commanded him. George wrote something, but it sure didn't look intelligent. It read:
"We needz a crew. We gives you shinyz if u helpz us "
"That'll do." Anton said questionably. George stood there for 5 minutes before a person came up to him. It was a girl, and she obviously was a pirate.
"Hiya mate," she said, "I see you be looking for a crew!"
"U PERTY! Oh..... uh.... ya we is looking for pplz." George responded, absent-mindfully.
"Glad to sign up!" she yelled over the crowd. "Now when you be needing me?"
"You are to report to the main dock at twelve-hundred hours!" Anton demanded.
"Will do!" She said before walking away. After 3 more minutes, another person walked up. This time it was an old man, but he wasn't quite sober.
"I be willing to *hic* help a feller *hic* out if ye ne *hic* ed it!" He said before throwing up all over George. George stood there as if nothing happened, with that stupid smile still on his face.
"Yayz! Another person!" He screamed with joy.
"Yes, now show up at the main docks at noon." The super ladybug told him.
"I can *hic* do that!" the old drunk said before stumbling off into the crowd. They stood there for another 3 hours before everyone started to clear out. But there was one last person looking for a crew.
"Hello kind sir. I see you are looking for a crew, are you not?" He said in a terrible British accent.
"EWWW! U is a smart person! I can smellz it on u :P" George freaked out.
"Quiet boy! Can't you see this kind gentleman wishes to join our crew?" Anton scolded him. "Now apologize!"
":'( Me is srry i hurted ur feelings smart person."
"Yes yes, now what time am I to show up and where?"
"Twelve O'clock at the main docks."
"Thank you. Continue on with your business." He said before he walked away. The two stood there for another 2 hours before everyone was gone. George was happy, like always. He was a captain. But the only ship he had was a light sloop! Or maybe, they could find a light galleon? Whatever was to happen, George would never forget his experience... Okay, maybe he would, after all, he is a noob :P




More chapies to come!