Thread: Memories
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Old 12-03-2012, 03:29 AM
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Captain Del Captain Del is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Caribbean, luv!
Posts: 3,004
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Memories

Very recently I had the opportunity of finding my old laptop from many moons ago - and by that, I mean last Spring. For those of you who remember, for many years beforehand I had been complaining that the state of my laptop had gotten worse and worse, until that fateful day at the end of the last school year where it was finally slammed with the cursed fatal system error. It was a time of bittersweet joy - although this now gave me an excuse to use the better computer in the house more often, it also meant that I may never be able to see my old files and screenshots ever again.

But as I mentioned, while cleaning out my room a few days ago, I stumbled upon it. I hadn't touched it in months - even make eye contact with it nevertheless - but feeling the texture of it's cover and the click of it's keyboard as I pick it up and examined it with my hands brought a lot of memories rushing down my spine. Many memories which, although they may have taken a seat in the back of my mind, I surely haven't forgotten.

In the time since I last held that computer, a lot has changed. I entered, fell out of, and entered again in to a relationship; I assumed leadership of numerous clubs and organizations in my community, and establishing one of the largest branches of one of my clubs in all of the state; I became invested in handfuls of rigorous academic courses that have challenged and, dare I say, terrified me beyond my wit for the first time; I gained and lost many friends, and discovered newfound popularity in places that I never expected; and most of all, I struggled with my past, present, and future, and underwent a very trying time of self-examination over many months that has strained, and at times, left with me abandoning my character. So much has been different, but when I looked at that computer, I felt as if myself, and the world around me, became so much simpler again.

I sat down on my bed and opened it up all the way, just staring at it for a few minutes. It felt so strange, looking back at that black screen again after so long, like I would in those few seconds before I would rush at the power button and my reflection would fade away. Even my appearance, as I looked at myself, had changed since the last time I had touched this laptop. Not gonna lie, I got cuter.

And I pretty much just sat there for a few minutes. I didn't think I could do much other than just stare at a disfunctional machine - even though it was so much more than that - given the fact that it's harddrive was fried the last time I ever touched it. But something compelled me just to reach out and try and feel like what it was like to hit that button again.

So I do.

The screen, to my astonishment, lit up like a smile, and in seconds - much faster than it ever did in the months before it had died - it jumped up to the login screen. Without thinking much I quickly logged in, and before long I was back at my old desktop. The background, the colors, the complex arrangement of my icons - nothing had changed. I had, but my computer hadn't.

So I fiddled with it. I logged in to my blog using it, and scrolled around like I would do normally. I checked up on all my usual sites - including here. I tried to even get on to Pirates Online - the icon that first caught my eye when I opened it - but unfortunately it started to freeze as soon as I logged in, and I didn't want to take any chances.

But what I did do, is I went in to my folders, and there they were. All of my screenshots, all the word files I had saved with old story chapters and ideas for the guild. I must have spent an unhealthy amount of times just going through every scene, every memory. Every single time I opened a new file, I saw every detail and it took me right back to that exact moment, as if I was still in it. I remembered every little thing, and each time I felt like I was playing a new game, over and over and over.

And going through all those screenshots made me realize that what I had been missing all those months was this. Everything that made me so happy when I used that computer revolved around this game, this site, and most importantly, this guild, and these people. Even though it's hard for me to deny all of this will never be the same, not having this guild in my life, at least to some extent, is the element that I believe has driven me.... off course.

So today, of all days, I wanted to stop and just say.. hi. If you remember me. Because I certainly remember all of you, and I miss you. And even if we can never be fully back together again, I want all of you back in my life, one way or another. I miss my home.

Happy Anniversary, partners

~ Del