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I agree with your view on desolation, which is why I put in the guide that I can't see it being used for more than a novelty. That is, something for show.
As to how to divide up points, thalore chose to max out spirit mastery and I know others who have played with different levels of the passive skills. There is no one right answer I'm sure, but spirit mastery and concentration are both worth putting whatever you can spare.
If I had it to do all over again I wouldn't put even one point in pestilence, banish, or desolation. I wouldn't use any extra points on soulflay (I do only have one dot on it now) or blast (yep, just one point there). I would max wither and flameskull as well as concentration and spirit mastery and put the rest in the other two passive skills.
For me, I mostly use blast to get the attention of enemy to make them come to me and soulflay on lower level enemy so I can get some decent exp for them.
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